Due Date

December 23rd.  Pearl's due date.

When I found out I was pregnant and due on December 23rd, I imagined a happy Christmas with my arms wrapped around a precious new baby and a heart full of love.  I couldn't have imagined then that my arms will be empty this Christmas.  My arms are empty, but my heart is full.  So full.   

The other day I was having a particularly rough time dealing with all the "how things could have been" feelings this season has brought, and I thought this is not how it was supposed to be.  The instant that thought came to my mind, the strong feeling came to my heart that this IS how it is supposed to be.  I can not ever deny that things are exactly as they should be.  I may not understand the why's for a long, long time, but I have complete faith that everything that has happened this past year happened the way it was supposed to.  God has a plan for me.  He has a plan for Pearl.  He has a plan for each of us.  Although this knowledge does not take away the pain and loneliness, it does bring a strong sense of peace and a desire to just keep going.  Although the road is hard, it is my road and it will lead me to a place far better than I could ever imagine for myself.

I also testify that my sweet Pearl was not the first baby that came into the world to change people's lives.  I know that Jesus Christ was born, lived, and died so that each one of us can keep taking steps on our roads and eventually become the people God knows we can become.  

May everyone have a full heart this Christmas.